The Stars Over Germaine for June 2008

In gen­er­al, the stars over Ger­maine are per­turber­ant .
(March 21-April 20)

You’ve been liv­ing with your sig­nif­i­cant oth­er for eight years. You’ve been think­ing about get­ting mar­ried, but you still can’t agree on a col­or scheme and the num­ber of brides­maids. It doesn’t look like you’ll be tying the knot this June, either. But on the bright side, your ten chil­dren are healthy, every­body had their shots before you went to Ecuador and drank the water. It looks like you will be com­ing into some mon­ey around the 6th, but your car will break­down on the 23rd and you’ll have to spend most of the mon­ey on a new trans­mis­sion.

(April 21-May 20)

If you had 10 bucks for every time some­one said, “I knew you were a Tau­rus, you’re so strong,” you could repair all the pot­holes in a medi­um-sized Amer­i­can city. You’re not strong, are you? Inside that tough exte­ri­or, below that thick bull neck, some­where in your flan­nel cov­ered chest, beat’s the heart of a lone­ly, des­per­ate man try­ing to escape the drea­ry, mis­er­able exis­tence he’s got him­self into because you’ve nev­er sum­moned enough courage to pro­pel your­self out of the hell you’ve been bask­ing in all your life. Hey, lis­ten, you have no idea how many peo­ple feel just like you do.

(May 21-June 20)

Every mir­ror is a mys­tery, an alche­my of liq­uid and met­al, a place where ghosts hov­er and the face you thought you had dis­ap­pears from one day to the next. The Greeks made up these two boys, broth­ers, and made them war­riors and killed them in bat­tle so that they could name stars after them. Beware of stargaz­ers and war­rior mak­ers, espe­cial­ly around the 10th of the month. Oh, and there is a cracked board on your back porch that you’ll want to take care of before the 12th or you may find your­self get­ting that tetanus shot a lot soon­er than you planned.

(June 21-July 22)

Sun­ny days are in your future this month. Things couldn’t get much bet­ter for you and in fact they prob­a­bly won’t. You’ve pret­ty much peaked. Lucky you got as high as you did before the fall. I’m not say­ing you’re going to fall far, but let’s just say that you’ll be tight­en­ing your belt and trad­ing in the Mer­cedes SUV before the end of sum­mer.

(July 23-Aug. 22)

The 5th of the month will bring some dis­turb­ing news, but things will get bet­ter by the 13th. Sor­ry, I just don’t have any­thing else to tell you. The stars are pret­ty qui­et for Leo, right now.

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

You are going to meet the love of your life in June if you go to the library on the 9th. If not, it will be a good five or ten years before you meet up with some­one you are remote­ly com­pat­i­ble with. You will decide to get rid of all the extra stuff you’ve been hang­ing onto since you moved out of that big old house in Nys­sa and came to Ger­maine. It’s time. It’ll feel good, trust me, oh and I’m will­ing to pay as much as $8 for that turntable. I mean, what are you going to use it for now that your ex has all the records?

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

You’ve been con­sid­er­ing it ever since you went to Port­land and saw the Cirque, so what are you wait­ing for? The stars are lined up like ants on a sug­ar trail. You will be a fab­u­lous dress­er and you speak French. I rec­om­mend leav­ing on the 16th. Ciaio et bon chance.

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

You are mel­low­ing like a fine wine. The edges are com­ing off and you are mak­ing friends at last. You will meet a new friend at the grange dance on the 11th. Not lover. Friend. This friend will be with you for a long time and will play a real­ly impor­tant part in your life, enhanc­ing your career and your per­son­al growth.

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

The arrow doesn’t fall far from the bow as they say. You are as like your third cousin twice removed as a peach pit is to a tulip. If you can make sense of that you are more psy­chic than I am. Don’t blame me, I just write what I see in the stars and they are per­turber­ant this month, just like it says at the top of the page.

(Dec.22-Jan. 19)

You’re chil­dren are lucky to be born in this place. Remem­ber that the next time one of them whines about not being able to go to a real mall–and they will whine about it the minute school lets out on 6th. Just look at them and smile. Give them a big hug and say, no one is tor­ment­ing you, blow­ing up your house, or deny­ing your human­i­ty. Then give them that list of chores you’ve been work­ing on all spring.

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Water is thin, but heavy. It holds up huge ships. That’s you, trans­par­ent as a ghost, car­ry­ing all the ships of tomor­row on your slen­der shoul­ders. Relief is on the way. The shift is about to change. The whis­tle is going to blow. Lay down your bur­den. The cav­al­ry is crest­ing the hill. You can ride off into the sun­set. It’s a minute past noon and the bad guys are too late. Be care­ful if you eat out on the 26th.

(Feb. 19-March 20)

There is a rea­son the fish is last. Fish is best served fresh even when it is con­sum­ing itself. You’ve been quite suc­cess­ful reduc­ing your car­bon foot­print. We all thank you. You will have a sur­prise vis­it this month from Uncle Wes whom you haven’t seen for 32 years. He’ll bring you a present he has been car­ry­ing around for almost that long. You may not find it very use­ful.

If Your Birth­day Is in June

You are a sun wor­ship­per extra­or­di­naire. You skin is suf­fer­ing and looks more like the skin of a croc­o­dile than the largest organ of the human body. There is this ooky, slick stuff called sun block. Most gro­cery stores car­ry it. I’d buy some and use it if I were you. Just say­ing.

Dis­claimer: This horo­scope is pre­sent­ed for enter­tain­ment pur­pos­es only. The Ger­maine Truth does not endorse any par­tic­u­lar sys­tem of div­ina­tion.

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