Stars Over Germaine for April

In general, the stars over Germaine are adamant.
(March 21-April 20)

Your passport has expired and you will not be going to the Calgary Stampede. Your father-in-law will not let this oversight go unpunished. An extended trip to another state, any other state, will turn out to be the best move you could make at this time. You will donate many hours and more money than you can afford to your favorite charity. Lots of people will say,“Wow, you’re really generous.” This will make you forget about not being able to compete in the calf-roping competition in Canada.

(April 21-May 20)

?On the third Friday of April, you will be attracted to a short redhead. This might be the love of your life, might not. You will meet this person when you go on a spontaneous trip to Boise. Don’t pussyfoot around, for once in your life be direct.

(May 21-June 20)

?Your parents are having some major difficulties right now. They need you to help them decide about the color of paint for their living room, or possibly whether or not to move into that new assisted living place in Walla Walla which they recently got a nice tri-fold brochure from describing all the wonderful amenities. This is an emotional time for you. I think they would be happiest with a dusty rose color. Wait until a Sunday to talk to them about it.

(June 21-July 22)

?Well, this is a bad time isn’t it? Touchy, touchy, touchy. Get over yourself. Sentimentality has its place, somewhere, but not here, not now. Instead of telling your lover that she is mean and manipulative and has the political wisdom of a box turtle, focus on getting the roof of the milk room patched.

(July 23-Aug. 22)

Your first instinct is always to go for the jugular. Lighten up and go for your second or third instinct, the one that says negotiation, tact, concern, yes, even love are more persuasive than brute force. Examine your beliefs so that you can stand behind them when challenged instead of acting like a third grade bully. You will win tickets to the Cirque and make a trip up to Portland on the second Saturday of April.

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Being a good host/hostess this month will win you friends more than your unfortunate tendency to always have to be right. Examine your motives and leave your emotions in another room. You will make a fabulous meal for five people on the final Sunday in April and one of your guest will offer you a job.

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Resist the temptation–is your watchword phrase for April. You will meet an archeologist from Michigan in Lubbock when you go there for the workhorse exposition. You will be very tempted to sell your house, divorce your wife, and move to Detroit to be near this person. Resist temptation. You will consider buying your wife a diamond ring brought from the earth of Africa by way of the criminal slavery conditions of the mines. Resist temptation. You will consider converting to Catholicism because you are concerned about the balance of religious populations between the Muslims and the Catholics. Resist temptation.

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Charming? You? Yes, this month, for one brief shining moment on a Saturday (it is not clear which one) you will be the most charming of guests at a large party. Men will hand you matchbooks (even though you don’t smoke) upon which they have written their private cell phone numbers. Though you will want to try them all, it is important not to be greedy. Two, possibly three liaisons in April is more than enough.

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

No one is buying real estate right now. However, there is a property you have had your eye on for some time. Go ahead. It’ll be okay. Don’t listen to your older brothers and sisters. Have they ever steered you right? Stop feeling guilty about their abysmal lives. You have nothing to do with their choices. Arguments you have now with family members will lead to major alienation and maybe even a permanent rift in the family.

(Dec.22-Jan. 19)

Listen, you really are capable of making progress. I know that other people have had a lot of control over your personal life–forget them, focus on your work. Surprize those busybodies by being absolutely unflappable. The shock will send them reeling. It will be weeks before they return to pick at you. By then, you will have finished that self-help course at the library and they will find the door to your ego closed.

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

April will find you finally reaping benefits from your detail driven style. At last you will be offered a job that pays well and is one that your partner approves. When your partner starts trying to co-opt your success, tell him/her (gently) to buzz off. The facelift you been contemplating–I have one word, NO.

(Feb. 19-March 20)

The economy really does suck, doesn’t it? Lost more than you could afford on that stock. You are lucky to be rid of it. You have no idea how many people in this world were suffering to give you the dividends that allowed you to have that second home in Portland and the third home in Arizona, which helped to send the real estate market out of reach for the average person, so that you could leave those houses empty for eleven out of twelve months of the year. No, I’m not sorry for you. You selfish twit.

If Your Birthday Is in April

You have a tendency to be overly sensitive. You check all the fashion mags before deciding on what kind of shoes to buy. You have allergies to most perfumes. You drink a little too much, love a little too desperately, sing a little too loudly, feel an aching loneliness when you wake up at 2 am next to your spouse whom you can tell is sleeping like a baby without dreaming about the terrible cost of war. The dream that woke you up and left you inconsolably sad. Everyone loves and admires you.

Disclaimer: This horoscope is presented for entertainment purposes only. The Germaine Truth does not endorse any particular system of divination.

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