Stars Over Germaine for April

In gen­er­al, the stars over Ger­maine are adamant.
(March 21-April 20)

Your pass­port has expired and you will not be going to the Cal­gary Stam­pede. Your father-in-law will not let this over­sight go unpun­ished. An extend­ed trip to anoth­er state, any oth­er state, will turn out to be the best move you could make at this time. You will donate many hours and more mon­ey than you can afford to your favorite char­i­ty. Lots of peo­ple will say,“Wow, you’re real­ly gen­er­ous.” This will make you for­get about not being able to com­pete in the calf-rop­ing com­pe­ti­tion in Cana­da.

(April 21-May 20)

?On the third Fri­day of April, you will be attract­ed to a short red­head. This might be the love of your life, might not. You will meet this per­son when you go on a spon­ta­neous trip to Boise. Don’t pussy­foot around, for once in your life be direct.

(May 21-June 20)

?Your par­ents are hav­ing some major dif­fi­cul­ties right now. They need you to help them decide about the col­or of paint for their liv­ing room, or pos­si­bly whether or not to move into that new assist­ed liv­ing place in Wal­la Wal­la which they recent­ly got a nice tri-fold brochure from describ­ing all the won­der­ful ameni­ties. This is an emo­tion­al time for you. I think they would be hap­pi­est with a dusty rose col­or. Wait until a Sun­day to talk to them about it.

(June 21-July 22)

?Well, this is a bad time isn’t it? Touchy, touchy, touchy. Get over your­self. Sen­ti­men­tal­i­ty has its place, some­where, but not here, not now. Instead of telling your lover that she is mean and manip­u­la­tive and has the polit­i­cal wis­dom of a box tur­tle, focus on get­ting the roof of the milk room patched.

(July 23-Aug. 22)

Your first instinct is always to go for the jugu­lar. Light­en up and go for your sec­ond or third instinct, the one that says nego­ti­a­tion, tact, con­cern, yes, even love are more per­sua­sive than brute force. Exam­ine your beliefs so that you can stand behind them when chal­lenged instead of act­ing like a third grade bul­ly. You will win tick­ets to the Cirque and make a trip up to Port­land on the sec­ond Sat­ur­day of April.

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Being a good host/hostess this month will win you friends more than your unfor­tu­nate ten­den­cy to always have to be right. Exam­ine your motives and leave your emo­tions in anoth­er room. You will make a fab­u­lous meal for five peo­ple on the final Sun­day in April and one of your guest will offer you a job.

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Resist the temptation–is your watch­word phrase for April. You will meet an arche­ol­o­gist from Michi­gan in Lub­bock when you go there for the work­horse expo­si­tion. You will be very tempt­ed to sell your house, divorce your wife, and move to Detroit to be near this per­son. Resist temp­ta­tion. You will con­sid­er buy­ing your wife a dia­mond ring brought from the earth of Africa by way of the crim­i­nal slav­ery con­di­tions of the mines. Resist temp­ta­tion. You will con­sid­er con­vert­ing to Catholi­cism because you are con­cerned about the bal­ance of reli­gious pop­u­la­tions between the Mus­lims and the Catholics. Resist temp­ta­tion.

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Charm­ing? You? Yes, this month, for one brief shin­ing moment on a Sat­ur­day (it is not clear which one) you will be the most charm­ing of guests at a large par­ty. Men will hand you match­books (even though you don’t smoke) upon which they have writ­ten their pri­vate cell phone num­bers. Though you will want to try them all, it is impor­tant not to be greedy. Two, pos­si­bly three liaisons in April is more than enough.

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

No one is buy­ing real estate right now. How­ev­er, there is a prop­er­ty you have had your eye on for some time. Go ahead. It’ll be okay. Don’t lis­ten to your old­er broth­ers and sis­ters. Have they ever steered you right? Stop feel­ing guilty about their abysmal lives. You have noth­ing to do with their choic­es. Argu­ments you have now with fam­i­ly mem­bers will lead to major alien­ation and maybe even a per­ma­nent rift in the fam­i­ly.

(Dec.22-Jan. 19)

Lis­ten, you real­ly are capa­ble of mak­ing progress. I know that oth­er peo­ple have had a lot of con­trol over your per­son­al life–forget them, focus on your work. Sur­prize those busy­bod­ies by being absolute­ly unflap­pable. The shock will send them reel­ing. It will be weeks before they return to pick at you. By then, you will have fin­ished that self-help course at the library and they will find the door to your ego closed.

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

April will find you final­ly reap­ing ben­e­fits from your detail dri­ven style. At last you will be offered a job that pays well and is one that your part­ner approves. When your part­ner starts try­ing to co-opt your suc­cess, tell him/her (gen­tly) to buzz off. The facelift you been contemplating–I have one word, NO.

(Feb. 19-March 20)

The econ­o­my real­ly does suck, doesn’t it? Lost more than you could afford on that stock. You are lucky to be rid of it. You have no idea how many peo­ple in this world were suf­fer­ing to give you the div­i­dends that allowed you to have that sec­ond home in Port­land and the third home in Ari­zona, which helped to send the real estate mar­ket out of reach for the aver­age per­son, so that you could leave those hous­es emp­ty for eleven out of twelve months of the year. No, I’m not sor­ry for you. You self­ish twit.

If Your Birth­day Is in April

You have a ten­den­cy to be over­ly sen­si­tive. You check all the fash­ion mags before decid­ing on what kind of shoes to buy. You have aller­gies to most per­fumes. You drink a lit­tle too much, love a lit­tle too des­per­ate­ly, sing a lit­tle too loud­ly, feel an aching lone­li­ness when you wake up at 2 am next to your spouse whom you can tell is sleep­ing like a baby with­out dream­ing about the ter­ri­ble cost of war. The dream that woke you up and left you incon­solably sad. Every­one loves and admires you.

Dis­claimer: This horo­scope is pre­sent­ed for enter­tain­ment pur­pos­es only. The Ger­maine Truth does not endorse any par­tic­u­lar sys­tem of div­ina­tion.

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