Archive for May, 2006

Letters and Op-eds

Renew and Expand Germaine’s Vision

by Lucy Charlebois-LaPlante
    In the aftermath of a contentious primary campaign for Town Council, it is time for citizens to remember the vision of Germaine, with its spirit of community and harmony. While I am no stranger to controversy, and have not been accused of backing down from a good brawl, it is quite obvious to me that more than a few toes have been unfairly stepped upon in the last few months.
     Shawn Hedrick is not “another Ken Lay’” as Willie Walkingstick charged at the April election forum, nor is Walkingstick, “in league with anarchists and terrorists,” as the Hedrick campaign has claimed. All sides in this debate need to calm down and look at the issues facing Germaine, Wilbur County, and our country with an eye for the good of the community.
    Wilbur County has made important strides in the past few years by embracing the future. We have followed little Germaine’s vision, taking an active role in developing appropriate technology and organic farming methods, and it has paid off big time.
    A local organization is now discussing purchasing a van for twice a week bus service to Bend and Prineville. Word also has it that Citgo is considering investment in Jasper Bradford’s gas station, and may provide discount fuel to our economically depressed town. McCoy Technology is embarking on a major new technology, using algae to clean power plants.
    These are the very kinds of things we need here in Wilbur County, and they are the kinds of things we need in America: appropriate transportation, appropriate agricultural technology, and appropriately caring people.
    Let’s continue to look to the future!



Daniel Boone Days Around the Corner

* germaine/people/26306_3131.jpg NOT FOUND *by Howard Applegate
    The July 4th weekend and Daniel Boone Days is just around the corner. For those who might be new to Germaine, Daniel Boone Days is our picnic in the park, politicians kissing babies, parade through downtown, patriotic holiday festival.
    Saturday, July 3 will see the coronation of the Pioneer Queen, and on Sunday, the parade. Both events are organized by the Daughters of Germaine.
    Last year we had an ice crisis, but John Arratola promised that he would order plenty of ice in advance this year. While the store will be closed for the parade and picnic, ice will be available for all who need it.
    Daniel Boone Days is so name because of supposed family ties between Boone and the Van Bibbers, a founding family of Germaine.



Madame Zorro

The Stars Over Germaine
horoscope for June

In general, the stars over Germaine are obfuscating.
Aries (March 21-April 20)

So you’ve found love at last. Things are going pretty good. You’re feeling on top of the world. Just a little caution here, come the 4th of June you’ll run into a bit of a snag. Love will stall like an overloaded donkey and just sit there staring at you stubbornly, occasionally braying until the 7th when you suddenly wake up and lighten the load. You’ll be back on the romance trail with your favorite beast of burden. About the 10th you will have a setback where social graces are concerned, but no prob this is just an opportunity to grow.

Taurus (April 21-May 20)

It’s all business with you this month. Start off the month by taking stock of your strengths then up to the 7th, don’t be a wuss. Stand up! About the 10th or so, you will be sitting in your chevy nova at the light in Germaine when you are hit by a powerul inspiration. As a result you will leap over, smash through, and generally obliterate all obstacles in your path. Don’t buy anything on the 15th or 16th. Comparison shop. Look, but don’t touch. Because on the 17th you’ll be able to finally trade that old heap in on a decent car. You’ll put a little more money out than you really can afford, but you will make it through and after the 23rd you’ll be able to smile you’re way to the end of the month.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Just between you and me there are times when you could throttle down the wordstream a notch or two. I think you know what I mean. The first three days of June?–one of those times. Practice silence, go to a mountain top, row out to the middle of the lake, anything to avoid saying that thing on your mind about your mother-in-law, your sister, your best friend, your boss . . . After the 3rd, who cares? In fact, come the 9th, your powerful conversations will turn you a profit and provide some money saving to boot. Hot damn! Around the 16th you’ll come across some roadblocks, but you’ll be able to convince Sheriff Sweet that you were home in bed when it happened. On the 21st your strong opinions will rile up your drinking buddies at The Roundup and they’ll take you out in the parking lot to teach you some manners. A shift in the planets will cause a car accident and everybody will be distracted long enough for you to hightail it out of there. Nobody remembers anything and you get your shine back near the end of the month and you’re everyone’s doll, beaming like a star, full of chutzpah and looking good on the 28th and beyond.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)


Up to the 4th of June you are building up to a process that will take place from the 4th through the 7th. Changes. Brother can you spare a change? You must change. Can’t keep those old ideas in the face of what you know now. Change might hurt at first, but you’ll be okay. By the 9th you will have absolutely put on a new shell. This is one of those times when Cancer is a hermit crab–so pick out a new “home” for the new you. Sharp as a tack, you become positively optimistic and the response is deafening–hear the crowd roar. We’re with you all the way up to the 11th. By the 15th things may get a little dicey. Just keep to that new row you are hoeing and you can’t go wrong. The 18th through the 19th is a time to let go of old grudges. Go on down to the Wilbur County lockup and tell that punk who stole the milk can your aunt Lilly tole-painted off your porch that since you got it back and it’s not a bit damaged that you won’t press charges after all. You’ll feel better and you will arrive on the 25th cleansed and looking forward, making new plans.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

You know how you sort of pretend? Maybe pretend is too strong, how you sometimes aren’t completely truthful? Well, here’s the watch word for the beginning of June–Honesty. Be real and intimacy and trust will follow and by the 9th you will have adjusted to your new methods. Now you can start fantasizing. Everyone knows you want to. Go with it. Get crazy. Then start adjusting your dreams around the 15th. Keep what you are really happy with, jettison the rest and keep your energy fluid through the next few days. There are some rough rapids ahead on the 23rd to the 25th, but if you have some realistic plans in place you’ll come to shore with most of the gear you had with you.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Here’s a real no-brainer for a saint like you–share that deep secret in the utmost privacy. Don’t go blabbing it at the cyber cafe that you’ve just discovered you have a lead on who set fire to the old Arlington house. On the 9th a major insight will blossom and provide you with answers to some of life’s deepest questions. These would also be best kept to yourself. All that suppression is good for you. Builds pressure. You can use some pressure to propel you to new heights come the 18th. On the 21st, you’ll want to make sure you’re heading in the direction you want. If you don’t consult the map, you’ll end up in Jordan Valley instead of Monument. The heights you managed to attain are a little scary, but humor will see you through on the 28th.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

You know how a rubber band lasts a lot longer in the stretch and bend category than say a piece of balsa wood? There’s a lesson or an allegory in there somewhere. Something about strength like that song about the willow and the oak. DON’T BE A RIGID FOOL! You’ll find yourself pulled in more than one direction on the 9th and this state of indecision will last through the 12th. You will be very frustated, especially if you insist on being RIGID. Create something. Turn all that frustration into something beautiful. You’ll be amazed at the rewards awaiting you from such effort on the 21st to 24th.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

The 1st through the 7th you will be locked in the bathroom with the telephone trying to negotiate your way out of trouble. Get a cell phone and get outside. On the 7th it all becomes very intense for you and remains so for two days. You must toe the line here, be very careful. If you are strict with yourself, by the 16th, you will find that discipline is important and you will begin to focus your thoughts and energy on that one desire you’ve held for so long, but never thought you could attain. By the 20th you are the master of all you survey. You have some relief from the straight and narrow and bust loose on the 24th. You’ve been wanting to even the score with that joker (you know who I’m talking about), go ahead. Don’t be too hard on yourself as you look back near the end of the month. Everybody has to have a little fun.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

You are a methodist. June 1st is no time to deviate from the path, verify facts. On the 7th through the 9th you will find yourself sitting on the rock wall overlooking Tamarack Creek and you will realize this is the most wonderful place to be. Please be cautious on the 15th and remember that silence can be it’s own reward. From the 19th to the 22nd your sister will be visiting. While the two of you are sitting in your kitchen enjoying the drift of dustmotes she will suddenly tell you that she wants you to invest in a off-shore drilling project in Iceland. As good as it sounds, don’t be tempted to throw caution to the winds. Deliberate and check all the facts. Normally, you are the one to extend a helping hand, but on the 30th let it be you on the receiving end. It can be a generous act.

Capricorn (Dec.22-Jan. 19)

Whatever you’ve been doing, it’s going to come to light and you’ll have nowhere to hide by the 3rd, at the latest, the 4th. For five days out on the desert, you will be questioned, grilled, interrogated. On the 9th you will be set free. Not without damage. That frustration, anguish, anger you’re feeling—channel it. Make something with it. But listen, you’ll be tempted to make some serious decisions by the 22nd. Don’t, okay? Not a good idea, especially ones that will effect you for a long time.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

This is a relationship month for you. Your boyfriend is going to do some things that will make it hard to stay with him. Maybe you shouldn’t. Who knows? You’ll have it in the past by the end of the first week of June. For the three days of the 9th through the 12th, you will be overflowing with all sorts of scintillating ideas, probably energy from the break-up. Afterwards you will encounter frustration around the 19th that will test your resolve. Don’t be a martyr like you were a couple of years ago when you broke up with LeRoy. Find someone to share your feelings with–maybe LeRoy. I mean why did you break up with him? The 25th would be optimal for your heart-to-heart talk.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

You’ve made some mistakes. Doesn’t everybody? Okay, yours are pretty intense, but what could you have done with that “package”? It’s been a couple of years now. Start easing up on yourself around the 6th and 7th and on the 9th through the 10th you’ll have the opportunity for absolution. I don’t know how all that Catholic stuff works, but take advantage of it. I’m seeing a special kind of love, one without the usual sacrifices, appearing for you on the 15th. Make yourself innocent like a child and let yourself be influenced by that child within. The 30th will be your lucky day.


If Your Birthday Is in June
You are either a Gemini or a Cancer. You have your crosses. Money is a constant concern. Not that you don’t have enough of it, just that you tend the money tree with more diligence than the rest of the signs. You are a tad impatient with those you consider foolish. A word to the wise for the Crabs: You do have vast reserves of empathy, but sometimes you just don’t want to visit that part of you. Here’s the truth, you are alive one moment and dead the next, it doesn’t hurt to let the ones you love know how you feel. To the Twins, I must say: No one works harder than you do. In the end you will have to leave it all behind.

Disclaimer: This horoscope is presented for entertainment purposes only. The Germaine Truth does not endorse any particular system of divination.


Election Day Shocker

by Howard Applegate
    Willie Walkingstick, who many Germaine pundits wrote off as a “liberal gadfly,” pulled a surprising second place finish in the race for City Council. Walkingstick, with 34% of the vote, deprived front-runner Shawn Hedrick of an outright majority, forcing a fall run-off election.
    Walkingstick ran a campaign based on the issue of accountability, claiming that Hedrick had a conflict of interest, and would run rough-shod over the City Charter. He also promised to put forward a motion calling for the impeachment of President Bush, which was widely ridiculed, and attacked as inappropriate for a small town council.
    Enough voters evidently agreed with him, however, to push him into a replay in November.
    Hedrick said he is not flapped. “Walkingstick is nothing but a perennial troublemaker,” he said. “His silly antics will sway no one. Where do you expect Geena’s voters to go? Surely not to the looney left.”
    Walkingstick just laughed when told of Hedrick’s comment. “We’ll just see about that,” he added.
    The number of Germaine citizens who voted soared to a record for a primary election. According to the Wilbur County elections division, nearly 70% of eligible voters cast a ballot. It was the first contested election in nearly two decades.



Our Election Year Picks

by Howard Applegate
    For the first time in recent memory, the Germaine City Council has a contested race. Running this year are incumbent Angela Arratola, whose position is uncontested. Battling for the open seat are Shawn Hedrick, Geena McCoy Rawlins and Willie Walkingstick.
    The seats held by Council Members Andrew Childers and Patricia Lundgren are not up for election this year, nor is the office of Mayor Kevin McCoy.
    The three-way race has been very interesting so far, and should no one receive an absolute majority, there will be a runoff in the fall.
    All of the candidates are from good Germaine families, and we applaud their stepping up to the civic plate. We wish that there were enough seats for all of them to serve, but since there is only one, we pick local businessman, Shawn Hedrick, owner of Hedrick’s Haberdashery. Hedrick is a solid citizen who will work for the interests of all Germainers. He has given generously of himself to a variety of civic causes, and has served on the City Budget Committee and the Wilbur County School Board.
    Geena Rawlins, while an outspoken and enthusiastic volunteer for her church, has no experience in public service. We believe that her heart is in the right place, but Hedrick is miles ahead in leadership ability.
    Likewise, Walkingstick, obviously passionate about his views, has shown little ability to work inside the system. We have to give him credit for persistance in attempting to change things from the street, but his abrasive style may only end up causing conflict on the Council.