Madame Zorro

The Stars Over Germaine – horoscope for February

In general, the stars over Germaine are scintillating.
Aries (March 21-April 20)

You will become obsessed with a person of the opposite gender or the same gender depending on your orientation. You will take huge risks, clean your house for the first time in months and delude yourself into thinking you are a person of exceptional integrity so that you believe yourself to be worthy of this new-found object of desire.

Taurus (April 21-May 20)

You will wake up on February third with an urge to get out of town. don’t be surprised if you make an impromptu trip to Caldwell or Provo. From there you’ll think that Bryce Canyon and Sedona are not too far to go. Don’ worry you’ll be back and we’ll be waiting to hear all your fabulous stories. No slides this time, okay? See you in March.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Everyone has been cautiously pleased about your self-control over the past year vis-a-vis your mouth. You’ll be coming out of that in February. Might consider holding a salon or two, maybe get yourself a show on Radio Germaine. However, this will only be successful if you can curb your penchant for butting into everybody’s business.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Suddenly, the dysfunction that hs been simmering at the heart of all your relationships is going to boil over. That someone whom you have been admiring is going to come on to you like gangbusters, shower you with flowers ad compliments–whoa, slow down–this person wil make fatal attrction look like a walk in the woods. Get your rabbits out town if you care for them at all.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

God you’re desperate and discriminating bordering on the ridiculous. This is not a positive attribute. Fortunately you will develop the ability to actually become fond of someone other than yourself. This is a step toward commitment. Baby steps.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

God you’re desperate and discriminating bordering on the ridiculous. This is not a positive attribute. Fortunately you will develop the ability to actually become fond of someone other than yourself. This is a step toward commitment. Baby steps.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

The false sense of security that surrounded your home life at the start of January will fall away like the veils of Salome until everyone’s ugly thoughts stand exposed. Well, you can’t say you are surprised you always knew they were cunning, self-serving, petulant prigs. Still, they are family so embrace them and move on.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

How was that January? Pretty hot, huh? And now, in February everyone is ready to pay attention to everything you say. The only caution is take a deep breath before you speak or your adoring audience will treat you like Jane Fonda at an American Legion cook-out.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Always the one to grow and change, now that the diet of 2005 has turned you into a svelte kitten, you will urn to your finances and put our accounts in such good order that your banker will become suspicious. Don’t be surprised if the police show up at your door to make sure you aren’t being held captive.

Capricorn (Dec.22-Jan. 19)

Look at you. Just look at you. Didn’t I tell you that if you gave people some space they’d be all over you like spam in your email? Keep acting like a reasonable person and you might get that part in Mephistopheles you’ve been coveting ever since you first saw The Tragical History of Dr Faustus by Christopher Marlowe on the bookshelf in your uncle Ted’s secret basement room where you were forbidden to go.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Your friends and family were amazed last year when you appeared to turn over a new leaf where your bank account was concerned. They praised you in the best way they knew how. But little did they know that you were just too depressed to open your wallet and that day when your mother-in-law was so proud of you for walking right by that little red dress in the window of Meier & Frank on that trip to Portland you all took last August–that apparent act of supreme self-control was actually the result of you finding it necessary to concentrate on the cracks in the concrete sidewalk so you wouldn’t burst into tears. Well, here is reason to celebrate, you’ve finally got more than a hundred bucks in the credit union. Just in time too, because March isn’t looking too good.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

You’ve always believed you were a liar and that accounts for how scrupulously honest you always are. Your best friend is going to take this integrity trait of yours as a sign that she can bare her soul to you. What an idiot.

If Your Birthday Is in February
This will be a watershed year for you. One day around the 10th, on your drive home from your janitorial job at St Charles Hospital in Bend, as the sun is first streaking the sky over highway 20, you will realize that you want to work out of doors. You will apply for a job with the Forest Service and will spend the rest of the year tramping around the forest gathering soil samples and watching tree bark grow. Unfortunately, your assignment will be in the Winema National Forest and your commute will be even longer.

Disclaimer: This horoscope is presented for entertainment purposes only. The Germaine Truth does not endorse any particular system of divination.
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