|Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Look out Taurus! Is this really the time to make that trip to Fargo? By car? Even the best laid plans can get way-laid. Take the train. Chances are you will meet your one and only. If you do, come back and see us sometime.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
It’s December and Gemini is having a bi-polar moment. Down one day, up the next. Well, at least you’ll get that attic cleaned out, and the basement, and the garage, and the neighbors shed. You’ll get plenty of sleep too. Your family is going to take it kind of hard, so expect a visit from a process server.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
While Cancers in other parts of the country are worrying about their children and arguing with significant others, Germaine Cancers will experiencing tranquility. It may be the lull before the storm, or it may be that you’ve already alienated everyone remotely related to you. Whatever it is, enjoy it while it lasts. And if your neighbor is a Cancer, offer them a nice hot chocolate when they are done cleaning out your shed.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Yeah, yeah, you’re the lion. Brush your famous mane of hair, put a clip in it, sit down and shut up. Let someone else take the lead for a change. If your spouse wants to go to John Day by way of Klamath Falls, will it kill you?
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Perfection is relative. Nobody gets it right all the time. But you are on a roll. One thing, return your phone calls. Your friends just want to know that you’re still alive. Be ready for surprizes around the 18th or 19th. Mercury and Uranus are going to combine to make that trip out the door as chancy as bush-hopping the Yukon in January.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
While you are balancing the world, returning justice to the wronged, feeding the hungry, and rescuing the Panda Bear -spend some time balancing our checkbook. There could be an identity thief lurking around the ATM. Just a caution, it could be that you forgot to deposit that check from the sale of your Celica. Thought you’d never get that off your hands. It’s possible that you will break your leg or a table leg. The signs are murky. May just be a minor accident in the kitchen with a knife. Check the cord on your toaster. Remain calm.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Diplomacy is the art of leadership. Easy does it, even you know better than everyone else. Your friends and your lover are still stinging over that last encounter near the end of November. What was that about? It is going to be more difficult than usual for you to communicate in the last week to week and a half of December. There could be a postal strike and the UPS truck may break down before it gets to Riley on the 20th. The solstice is going to be great as long as you remember that the carrot is better than the stick.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
The Archer will hit the mark this month inspite of a very antsy start. Be patient, be careful. Something unexpected is likely to happen. It could be terrible, it could be terrific. It might seem terrible at first and then become terrific. You’ll get the results of that biopsy and be much relieved. If you’re doctor drives a Ferarri, decline further tests. A trip to California is not good right now. There will be seismic activity.
Capricorn (Dec.22-Jan. 19)
This might be a good day to start taking that Prozac prescription the doctor gave you last month. I know you like to be in control, but it’s really hard when everyone around is either yelling or crying or complaining. Nobody is on time, they lose things, break things, wreck your car and leave rings in the bathtub. You don’t know what’s coming next. Take a Prozac. If you flushed them down the toilet, see if your local herbalist can point you in the direction of something soothing.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Good time to practice patience. If you are an undertaker, just remember that January is traditionally a busy month.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
What’s this? The fish has spit out his tail. Wow, you are swimming in different waters now. Creativity and philosophical breakthroughs are the order of the month. If you are steak and potatoes, I won’t be surprized to see you ordering the tofu burger with sweet potato fries at the Wilbur Pub and amiably conversing with a tourist from New Jersey.
If Your Birthday Is in December
You share a birthmonth with Jesus Christ so what’s the point of making a long list.