Archive for January, 2006

Time for New Leadership

    Folks here in Wilbur County don’t take these things lightly, and we’re not yet ready to use the I-word, but it’s time to sit up and take stock of what is happening to our rights in this land of the free. Particularly, our right to be free of big government eavesdropping and heavy-handedness. We don’t want to play down the seriousness of 9/11, and the threat from international extremists to the safety of U.S. citizens, but. for crying out loud, George, you’ve gone a bit too far, don’t you think? Spying on grannies and tapping the phones of loyal Americans is not going to make us safe from Al Qaida.
    And, for that matter, neither is draining our nation’s resources to fight another losing war, half-way around the world, when people are hurting here at home. Or padding the pockets of your rich pals while we all go down the toilet. I better stop now, because that I-word is sounding better with each sentence.

Howard Applegate



Out with the old; in with the new

by Howard Applegate
    One more year is gone, and it’s that time of the year we editors are obliged to review, recap, and forecast. The latter would probably best be done by Madame Zorro, but since we are a serious paper, you are stuck with me. So here we go.

The Old Year
lucky rooster.• A Good Year for Festivals. Both Daniel Boone Days and the Fall Fowl Fest were very successful this year, give or take a few dropped popsicles and bruised egos. Hundreds attended both events, which were the biggest ever for Wilbur County. In the Fall Fowl Fest, Bertie Miller, from Riley, and our own Thelma Louise McCoy were top prize winners in the Best Dressed Fowl Fashion category. Richie Bowers won the Best Dressed Fowl Culinary category, with his Wild Duck Soup.

• The Toll of War. 2005 was both a sad and hopeful year for Germaine. On the more somber side, we had tragedy and disappointment, including the first death of a local boy in the Iraq War. Arlo Childers died in November, when a roadside bomb exploded near his caravan as it approached Baghdad. Another young Germainer, Eric Caruthers, disappeared without a trace while his unit waited in Kuwait for orders to deploy to southern Iraq. He is believed to have been abducted by Islamic militants.

• Crop Failure. This was a bad year for honeydew farmers. Early frost bit into the melon crop, leaving the season too short, even for the new Germaine hybrids. The hybrids, developed seven years ago by McCoy Agricultural Enterprises, require a much shorter growing period, and less water than conventional melons, making them ideal for cold, semi-arid climates like Germaine. Local farmers are talking about sowing their greenhouse beds earlier this year, so the young starts will be more mature for the June planting.

• The Incident. Then, there is the mysterious. In July, a private detective came through town and spent the night at the Restin’ Easy. He claimed to be in the employ of a certain foreign government. According to the Patels, who own the motel, the man was asking around about people who might have knowledge of The Incident. Lucy Charlebois-LaPlante, the town librarian, talked to the detective, who then left Germaine for parts unknown. Ms. Charlebois-LaPlante refused to be interviewed by The Germaine Truth.

• Restin’ Easy. Speaking of the Restin’ Easy, Sanjit “Roy” Patel became the new owner in February, and reopened the establishment on July 4th, in time for Daniel Boone Days. Roy, with his wife and three children, remodeled, and converted three of the units into a new residence for themselves.

The New Year
• Election Year. 2006 is an election year in Germaine and Wilbur County. The mayorship and all four city council seats are up for grabs this year. In past years, it has been difficult to find candidates to fill the unpaid seats, but this year may be different. As of January 1, five candidates had already filed for the Council seats. No one has yet filed for Mayor, but filing is open until March 13th. A Wilbur County Commission seat is also open this year, as is the County Auditor position. Both are expected to be contested.


Letters from our readers

Happy New Year

To the Editor:
    Greetings fellow Germainites. Here is now the first day of the new year. 2006. In these desperate times every year looms darker than the last. The horizon is deep with clouds of dispair, tragedy and disease. We are driven mad by evil little men and merciless women who plunder and kill and drag us all in a bundle behind them. They are chanting freedom, and the walls of the prisons rise. Our hands are bleeding from the concrete we hoist one jagged fragment after another. Our stomachs are bursting with cakes and coca-cola. Our muscles are starved and weak. Our petty conversations, our cries for help, are strained through the dictator’s sieve for evidence of dissent. There are thousands dead by our children’s hands. Our children impressioned, made bold, molded into cockpits, drop death from out of the blue, spread caustic phosporous, it creeps into the houses of Falluja and burns the ones left behind to the bone. But that is the year past, the year past. What brave new world will we be made to embrace tomorrow?

Happy New Year.
Love, Bradley T. Bradford

Transition year comes to a close

To the Editor:
    As the transition year of 2005 comes to a close I think we can be pleased with our progress.
    For the first time in American History we have paid, not just for our own honor and freedom, but for the honor and freedom of the world – and paid a relatively low cost. Certainly no mother or father of a child who gave his or her life for the cause would consider the cost “low.” Nor should they. But as one who has seen the terrible cost exacted by the previous four wars of the 20th century, I can appreciate that in the scope of a world-wide war on terrorism, the loss of just 2,000 is an amazingly low number.
    As a consequence of the unavoidable conditions of war, approximately 20,000 of our sons and daughters have suffered severe injury –but, thanks to our advanced technological and medical capabilities, they have returned home with every hope of returning to the way of life they fought to preserve.
    To assure that our soldiers do return to an unchanged America, we on the homefront have turned our attention to another assault on our American Way of Life – the problem of illegal immigration.
    We needed to address the burden that illegal immigrants put on our social services while simultaneously exercising the compassion toward the less fortunate for which we are rightly famous. The solution proposed by our president is an elegant balance. These newly-implemented, well-advised plans may not prove to be the final solution, but we do have a plan to move forward with that rewards hard-working immigrants for their attempts to better themselves while simultaneously preserving the very Way of Life they hope to attain.
    We have much to be thankful for. Let us resolve to hold the course for the next three years.

God Bless America,
Vanessa Van Bibber



Madame Zorro foresees trouble in near future for town of Germaine

Madame Zorro content

The Stars Over Germaine - horoscope by Madame Zorro

In general, the stars over Germaine are equivocating.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Look out Taurus! Is this really the time to make that trip to Fargo? By car? Even the best laid plans can get way-laid. Take the train. Chances are you will meet your one and only. If you do, come back and see us sometime.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

It’s December and Gemini is having a bi-polar moment. Down one day, up the next. Well, at least you’ll get that attic cleaned out, and the basement, and the garage, and the neighbors shed. You’ll get plenty of sleep too. Your family is going to take it kind of hard, so expect a visit from a process server.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

While Cancers in other parts of the country are worrying about their children and arguing with significant others, Germaine Cancers will experiencing tranquility. It may be the lull before the storm, or it may be that you’ve already alienated everyone remotely related to you. Whatever it is, enjoy it while it lasts. And if your neighbor is a Cancer, offer them a nice hot chocolate when they are done cleaning out your shed.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Yeah, yeah, you’re the lion. Brush your famous mane of hair, put a clip in it, sit down and shut up. Let someone else take the lead for a change. If your spouse wants to go to John Day by way of Klamath Falls, will it kill you?

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Perfection is relative. Nobody gets it right all the time. But you are on a roll. One thing, return your phone calls. Your friends just want to know that you’re still alive. Be ready for surprizes around the 18th or 19th. Mercury and Uranus are going to combine to make that trip out the door as chancy as bush-hopping the Yukon in January.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

While you are balancing the world, returning justice to the wronged, feeding the hungry, and rescuing the Panda Bear -spend some time balancing our checkbook. There could be an identity thief lurking around the ATM. Just a caution, it could be that you forgot to deposit that check from the sale of your Celica. Thought you’d never get that off your hands. It’s possible that you will break your leg or a table leg. The signs are murky. May just be a minor accident in the kitchen with a knife. Check the cord on your toaster. Remain calm.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Diplomacy is the art of leadership. Easy does it, even you know better than everyone else. Your friends and your lover are still stinging over that last encounter near the end of November. What was that about? It is going to be more difficult than usual for you to communicate in the last week to week and a half of December. There could be a postal strike and the UPS truck may break down before it gets to Riley on the 20th. The solstice is going to be great as long as you remember that the carrot is better than the stick.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

The Archer will hit the mark this month inspite of a very antsy start. Be patient, be careful. Something unexpected is likely to happen. It could be terrible, it could be terrific. It might seem terrible at first and then become terrific. You’ll get the results of that biopsy and be much relieved. If you’re doctor drives a Ferarri, decline further tests. A trip to California is not good right now. There will be seismic activity.

Capricorn (Dec.22-Jan. 19)

This might be a good day to start taking that Prozac prescription the doctor gave you last month. I know you like to be in control, but it’s really hard when everyone around is either yelling or crying or complaining. Nobody is on time, they lose things, break things, wreck your car and leave rings in the bathtub. You don’t know what’s coming next. Take a Prozac. If you flushed them down the toilet, see if your local herbalist can point you in the direction of something soothing.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Good time to practice patience. If you are an undertaker, just remember that January is traditionally a busy month.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

What’s this? The fish has spit out his tail. Wow, you are swimming in different waters now. Creativity and philosophical breakthroughs are the order of the month. If you are steak and potatoes, I won’t be surprized to see you ordering the tofu burger with sweet potato fries at the Wilbur Pub and amiably conversing with a tourist from New Jersey.

If Your Birthday Is in December

You share a birthmonth with Jesus Christ so what’s the point of making a long list.
Disclaimer: This horoscope is presented for entertainment purposes only. The Germaine Truth does not endorse any particular system of divination.